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on the road to recovery

Or ruin. Who knows?

Today I applied for a part time sales position at a local small-time chain pet supply store in my neighborhood. Yes, my depression is far from managed right now, but we're trying something new that hopefully (fingers crossed!) will fix things. Also, being cooped up in the house with nothing to do is definitely exacerbating my symptoms: the depression makes me bored with my usual distraction techniques (tv, reading, World of Warcraft), so the time can only really be passed by napping, which is also not good for me.

So! Part time job to get me out of the house. We'll see how it goes.

Today I was a grownup.

I went to physical therapy.

I talked to a financial adviser at my bank about investment options.

I gave my information to an organization I want to volunteer with.

I bought coffee filters.

Can I have my reward now?


Despite my concerns and some really gnarly travel problems (Don't fly Frontier. Seriously, don't.), DragonCon was pretty good this year. Nik and I took it way easy, made sure to eat and sleep enough, and came home without catching the Crud, so that's great, too. Highlights of what we saw:

-- two Farscape panels with Gigi Edgley and Lani Tupu, which were fantastic
-- two Whedon actor panels with a combination of Ron Glass, J. August Richards, Emma Caulfield, and Amy Acker, which were also great
-- a Once Upon a Time panel with Sean Maguire, Beverley Elliott, Robbie Kay, and Rebecca Mader, which was also also great
-- a Stargate panel that was not so great
-- an Alt Hist track panel that was supposed to be about crossculturalism and wound up being unfocused (with bonus white-mansplaining!)

Photos of costumes will be up on my facebook eventually.

All in all, a good time was had.


Fic -- "Pearls"

And then I wrote fanfic! This is the first time I've written in two years, and the first thing I've finished in two and a half. Go me!

Title: Pearls
Characters: Jack, Daniel (pre-Jack/Daniel)
Word Count: 1663 words
Rating: G
Author's Notes: fake-cut to writers_island; written for fund_jcollins on DW

Let me turn all the tears / That you have cried into pearls / Hand them over to me / I'm gonna keep, keep them for you ~ Ace of Base, "Experience Pearls"

( Pearls | G | 1663 words | complete )

Feedback is better than chocolate.

x-posted to jackslashdaniel and stargateslash and on DW

thinky thoughts about a bunch of things

Cold recovery now extended to almost two weeks, plus a bout of depression and a trip to the ER due to an allergic reaction to the Ambien I was given so I could sleep through the coughing. *sigh*

But! Cold is almost gone and allergy is being treated and depressive spiral was broken by the ER trip. So I've gotten more done today than I have in close to two weeks and I actually feel positive about it. I did accomplish one useful thing while I was sick, though, which was to talk to Nik* about FUTURE PLANS. I still don't really know what I'm doing, but I think I've narrowed it down some.

The biggest problem right now is actually DragonCon. For the first time ever, I'm not really enthusiastic about going. Maybe it's because I feel completely disconnected from fandom, or that the things I nerd out about have shifted without me getting involved in the fandom communities for the source material. Maybe it's the depression (though this was actually going on before the most recent bout). Maybe I'm just having issues remembering how much fun con is, and only focusing on the negative stuff (lots of walking, lots of lines, the hard-work side of cosplaying). Nik and I are probably only going to cosplay one day this year, rather than two or three, but does anyone have any ideas for how to get my con nerd mojo back?

*For those not in the know, Nik is my fiancé. If you've met him, you probably know his real name, but Nik is a nickname.

and then I do nothing

And then I caught some throat bug that laid me out for a week. *headdesk*

I'm mostly better now, but I need to be careful not to push myself. I'm also going stir-crazy, which is a bad combination. But! I may have made some decisions vis-à-vis the BIG LIFE DECISIONS front, so that's good.

feels like i'm standing still

Found out today that I did not get the job I had interviewed for. This is not a terrible thing, but it still kind of sucks. Nik made the awesome point that there is a false dichotomy when one applies for a job: the result is not good/bad, it's good/neutral. So, neutral, but it still makes me a little grumpy.

I restart physical therapy for my knees today. My old PT isn't there anymore, so I get to start with someone new, but that's alright. I'd just love to be able to walk down a flight of stairs without cringing and not have to worry about fucking up my ability to walk if I'm not uber careful on uneven ground. In case you didn't know, Seattle is really fucking hilly and I refuse to carry a cane when I shouldn't actually need one.

Also, it is hot. Seattle, why is it hot? You're not supposed to be hot. Bleh.

(See how interesting my life is? :P)

the more things change...

Apparently, I've been having this problem for years:

Anyway, so I'm doing laundry today, but I've discovered that I have no clean work jeans, only laundry-day panties left, and no bras. Six months ago I could have just worn one of those tank tops that has the shelf built in, but since I started the birth control, I...fall out of the ones that I currently own. I'm not even exaggerating at all; I put on one to wear to work a few days ago, decided it was a little too low in the front, and then fell out the bottom when I pulled it up.
~~~ 20 Aug 2009



980 words in one sitting. WOOOOOOOOOO

(And since it seemed to be universally most popular, I'm working on alien matchmakers. :D)


Help! What should I write next?

At this point, I have quite literally not written a word of fiction (fannish or original) in years. I want to get back to that creative outlet, so I prevail upon you, my friendslist, to help me decide which of the WsIP I should dive back into. Some of these have snippets available, on request.

(Note: this does not promise anything, naturally, but I find it easier to work on stuff I know people might be interested in reading.)

Massive WIP ListCollapse )

So, what do you want to read? Tell me tell me tell me.


*tap tap* is this thing on?

Wow. I haven't posted here for over a year and a half. And it's been a big year and a half, let me tell you.

In that time I have:
-- moved crosscountry
-- fallen in love
-- vacationed in Mexico and saw Chichén Itzá
-- adopted a dog
-- gotten engaged
-- moved to a different apartment
-- had short-term three jobs
-- made a bunch of new friends

I'm planning on returning to LJ and fandom starting now, though the ramp-up might be slow. I missed you guys!

Year in Review Memes, Part 2

Year in Review Memes, Part 1

Yes, my journal has been very quiet this year, but that doesn't mean nothing happened. I just wasn't up to writing for most of it.

Year in ReviewCollapse )

And, for kicks, last year's answers.
Finally returning to LJ. And since a lot has happened in the past months, I thought I'd meme it up to catch everyone up.

Also, I've been on LJ eight years today. Terrifying.

Journal Entries: 1,470
Tags: 98
Userpics: 190

Comments posted: 12,009
Comments received: 2,967

Mutual Friends: 29
Also Friend Of: 81
Member of Communities: 142

Communities moderated/created: fandom_grammar (created), jd_ficathon (created)

long meme under the cutCollapse )

Late, But Still Before Yom Kippur

I'm going to have a moment of religious thought: to all who read this, please forgive me for any cruel/thoughtless/rude I have done to you during the past year. According to Jewish law, the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are to be spent in reflection over the past year, including tying up any loose ends and making amends for mistakes made. We're supposed to ask people for forgiveness for anything we might have done to them and if they refuse three times, we are forgiven by God because we've made an effort. I don't really believe that God is sitting up there keeping track, but I'd like to know that I've been forgiven for stupid things I've done, rather than letting them fester. I'd like to know if you have forgiven me, but it's not a huge deal, as long as you have.

(RL update to come later. It's going to be long.)


i live!

returning to lj as of 1 aug. life is still completely insane, but it should settle down one way or another very soon, and then i'll be able to talk about it. that being said, just know that i'm a) not dead and b) still around, so feel free to bug me if needed.

also! jd_ficathon sign-ups are live, and will be until the last week of the month. spread the word and sign up, people!
Haven't heard back from Panera or the crepe place, though I'm not surprised. I wasn't particularly optimistic about my chances with either of those. I really need to go out pounding the pavement to find other job openings, but it's just so depressing. Monday. I'll do it Monday.

New news on the medication front, at least. medical babbleCollapse )

Also started a regimen of stupid-high doses of vitamins B12 and D, because apparently my levels are super-low, which can cause mental health problems. Oh, it would be wonderful if all I needed to feel better was a fistful of vitamins, but I doubt I'll be that lucky.


So, I was stuck with 2/3 of a cup of heavy cream after making gorgonzola polenta a couple days ago, and to use it up I decided to make clam chowder, which is one of my favorite soups. It's also super-easy to make, I was surprised how simple it was.

No-Celery Clam Chowder
modified from this recipe
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 large onion, finely diced
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 cups chicken stock
2 (10oz) cans chopped clams in juice (not water)
1 cup heavy cream (you can cut this with up to half milk, if you don't have a full cup of cream)
1 pound Idaho potatoes, peeled and chopped into 1/2 inch cubes
2 bay leaves
salt and pepper to taste

Heat butter in large pot. When melted, add onion and saute until softened, mixing often. Add flour and stir until evenly distributed. Add stock, clam juice (reserve clams for later), cream, potatoes, and bay leaves, and bring to a simmer. Mixture will thicken. Reduce to medium-low heat and allow to simmer for 20 minutes, until potatoes are tender, stirring often. Add clams and season with salt and pepper and simmer for another 2-4 minutes, until clams are just firm.

Remove bay leaves before serving.

Also, this makes a lot (though it's easy to halve), but it's easy to portion out in tupperware and put in the fridge or freezer. Reheat by pouring portion into a saucepan and heating until soup is simmering. Enjoy!

looking up

Have a job interview tomorrow for the crepe place down the street. Also stopped by Panera and, while I didn't get a flat-out no, the manager said she had to talk to her district manager about bringing me back in. So, work options maybe, which is better than I had yesterday.

Managed to write through the scene that caused my stargate_summer to stall out last year, and did some basic outlining of the gaps I need to fill in what's already written and what needs to happen after that. Now I just need to write, a lot. Haven't felt motivated the last few days, but I'm hoping I can break that today. Or maybe I'll work on something else. I just really need to write today.


So, I'm stuck with 2/3 of a cup of heavy cream, left over from the polenta I made last night. I'm thinking of using it to make clam chowder, but I have a quandary: every recipe I'm finding calls for throwing celery in it. I hate celery. Super hate it. An overabundance of celery often causes me to reject otherwise good foods, clam chowder included. Can I get away with making this soup but skipping the celery? Hmm...


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