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And, so entertaining:

SHERWOOD: 7-- 1 varsity athelete to change it; 5 tutors to keep him eligible; and 1 cheerleader to jack him off since anything that helps the team helps the school
B-CC: 4-- 1 to screw it in; 2 to sculpt it into a bong; and 1 to teach them how to smoke it
WALTER JOHNSON: 20-- a committee composed of students from every conceivable ethnic group screws in unison while the ESOL teachers translate directions
PAINT BRANCH: 15-- 1 to screw it in; and 14 to read the directions one- syl-la-ble- at- a- time
KENNEDY: just one-- the senior valedictorian is the only one eligible by grades to participate. Every one else flunked off the lightbulb team when grades came out
POOLESVILLE: 12-- 6 hike to the nearest village to buy one; one to screw it in; and 5 plow the fields and feed the oxen while the other 7 are busy but those 7 have to slop the hogs
CHURCHILL: none-- their butlers do it for them
WOOTTON: none-- their nannies do it for them while their parents are in Europe
DAMASCUS: none-- they havent figured out how to light one with a candle and besides, they're late for Rosh Hashanah football pratice
RICHARD MONTGOMERY: 40-- they do it right 7 out of 10 times but then they have to forfeit the 7 because they haven't paid for the lightbulb
QUINCE ORCHARD: 216-- 1 to steal the lightbulb from the store to do it; 15 to start rumors about who the thief was; and 200 to have an unsupervised off campus beer bash to celebrate and get bashed so they cant play
BLAIR: 6-- 1 to change it; and 5 to protect him from the crossfire, beeeech!
GEORGETOWN PREP: 10-- 1 female teacher to change it; 8 guys to look up her dress while she's on the ladder; and a Jesuit to hear their confessions about it next saturday
GOOD COUNCIL: same as Prep except the teacher is ugly and no one EVER goes to confession
BLAKE: We don't screw in lightbulbs, we screw in hallways
LANDON: 2-- 1 to screw it in; and 1 to buy an anatomically correct inflatable female doll so they can screw all night pretending that their with a real girl
ST. ANDREWS: 1-- but he copies Landon because he's a wannabe
SIDWELL FRIENDS/GDS: 2-- 1 to screw it in perfectly; and one to kill himself because he found out someone can do it better than he can
SENECA VALLEY: 125-- 5 pregnant girls to figure out where to get a lightbulb; 100 gang members to shoplift one as part of their initiation; and 20 teachers who try to keep the football team eligible so they can win the state championship lightbulb trophy while their IT'S ACADEMIC TEAM goes 0-10 JDS: 5-- 1 teacher to buy it; and 4 future rabbis to argue over the talmudic significance of the act
WHITMAN: 7-- 1 to pay someone else to screw it in; and 6 to talk about how chill they are while waiting for the next rich drunk to marry their Beemer to a tree trunk
HOLTON ARMS: 5-- 1 to change it; and 4 to buy a Patagonia outfit to die for to wear to the occasion
ROCKVILLE: none-- when you go to Rockville you'd too stay in the dark so no one recognizes you
BULLIS: 400-- they all participate in 7 lightbulb team practices per day while waiting for an actual class to be taught
WATKINS MILL: 1-- he puts the bulb end in the socket and can't figure out why it won't work
MONTROSE CHRISTIAN: 250-- they have a prayer meeting and wait for God to do it
SANDY SPRINGS FRIENDS: 10-- they aren't too bright but they do it peacefully
MARK TWAIN: 1-- PSSST! want to buy some hot lightbulbs, man?
THE HEIGHTS: 45-- the guys pool their money and hire a girl to do it since that's the only one they'll see until they're 18
PHOENIX CENTER: Whut Lite Bulb man? got some weed?

and my schools are RMHS and Kennedy. Oh, joy.

though the RM one should be more like: "None - they couldn't afford replacement bulbs."

Daily Dose of Dar:

The Pointless, Yet Poignant, Crisis of a Co-Ed

I'm not a leader, i'm not a left-wing rhetoric mobilizing force of one,
But there was a time way back, many years ago in college, don't laugh,
But I thought I was a radical, I ran the Hemp Liberation Group with my boyfriend,
It was true love, with a common cause, and besides that, he was a Sagittarius.

We used to say that our love was like hemp rope, three times as strong as the rope that you buy domestically,
And we would bond in the face of oppression from big business and the deans,
But I knew there was a problem, every time the group would meet everyone would light up,
That made it difficult to discuss glaucoma and human rights, not to mention chemotherapy.

Well sometimes, life gives us lessons sent in ridiculous packaging,
And so I found him in the arms of a Student Against the Treacherous use of Fur,
And he gave no apology, he just turned to me, stoned out to the edge of oblivion,
He didn't pull up the sheets and I think he even smiled as he said to me,
"Well, I guess our dreams went up in smoke."
And I said, No, our dreams went up in dreams, you stupid pothead,
And another thing, what kind of a name is Students Against the Treacherous Use of Fur?
Fur is already dead, and besides, a name like that doesn't make a good acronym.

I am older now, I know the rise and gradual fall of a daily victory.
And I still write to my senators, saying they should legalize cannabis,
And I should know, cause I am a horticulturist, I have a husband and two children out in Lexington, Mass.
And my ex-boyfriend can't tell me I've sold out, because he's in a cult.
And he's not allowed to talk to me.


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