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fuck my life

This was supposed to be a post about how I wrote today, for the first time since November.

Instead, this is going to be a post about the fact that my dad announced today that he's moving out, has already arranged a new place, and is planning on divorcing her to marry someone else.

I--there were no words for my rage when I found out. I actually threw my phone across the room (bounced it off the radiator) when I got off the phone with him. Phone, yes. Because he decided to tell me this when he was in DC and I had just arrived back in Pittsburgh a few hours earlier. And then he has the balls to offer to stop by for a visit this weekend...with the woman he's leaving my mother for.

There's more--there always is, isn't there--but suffice it to say that I'm still pretty furious, and I spent a good two hours crying, and between those to factors and the fact that my back is so tense you could probably bounce coins off the muscles, I'm probably not sleeping tonight. I did manage to finish eating after I got off the phone with him, and I haven't thrown up yet, so that's something.

The good news is that Mom seems to be doing ok, at least for now, and is definitely more worried about me than herself at the moment. But the two of them--they haven't gotten along, or even liked each other, for a long time now, but they at least complemented each other in their skill sets. Mom doesn't know how to iron her own clothes, or troubleshoot when her computer acts up, and she's in the middle of switching the program she does her billing in. Dad barely knows how to take care of himself when it comes to things like washing dishes and folding laundry. I don't know what to do with either of them.

Mom wants me to make sure I call my shrink, make sure she's keeping an eye on me. Unfortunately, she's not overreacting: I had been doing better then last week or so, but it's still very fragile, and this is certainly enough of a blow that it might break it. On the other hand, people with depression are often much better at coping with concrete problems, and this is definitely up there. Even if I'm in Pittsburgh and not really able to help.

And they expect me to keep plugging along and trying to get better, like nothing's happened? Yeah, right.

(I'm turning comments off, because I really don't want to hear it right now.)



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